THINGS IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same
There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to
You should not confuse your career with your life.
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who
perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual
Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
Never lick a steak knife.
Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why
we observe daylight savings time.
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you
think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we
all believe that we are above average drivers.
The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who
are not in them.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
Your friends love you anyway.
And the thought for the day: never be afraid to try something new. Remember that
amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.