Top ten signs you bought a bad computer
10. Lower corner of screen has the words “Etch-a-sketch” on it.
9. It’s celebrity spokesman is that “Hey Vern!” guy.
8. In order to start it, you need some jumper cables and a friend’s car.
7. It’s slogan is “Pentium: redefining mathematics”.
6. The “quick reference” manual is 120 pages long.
5. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
4. The screen often displays the message, “Ain’t it break time yet?”
3. The manual contains only one sentence: “Good Luck!”
2. The only chip inside is a Dorito.
1. You’ve decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.
I’m guessing that it was a lawyer who first declared this ‘Love Litigating Lawyers Day’ because I don’t know many people who feel that same way, myself included. But, just in case you’re involved in a legal affair and could use a cosmic assist in the courtroom, you can say this affirmation both silently and aloud in order to sway the outcome your way. Say this at least nine times throughout any day: ‘The inspiration of the Almighty shall be my defense and I shall have plenty of silver.’
By Ellen Whitehurst for Astrology.com
Your Charm for Today
A journey that you or someone close to you must make will have a positive influence on this aspect. This trip may be over a great distance.
This charm was worn by the ancients to protect the wearer against disease and snake bites. The Jews used it as an amulet for epilepsy and erysipelas. It is still used in Ireland as a talisman against sickness. The Tau is one of the most ancient crosses and the forerunner of the Latin Cross. Moses used the Tau Cross with the brazen serpent attached, to save the Children of Israel in the wilderness from the attacks of the fiery serpents. The Cross has always been the symbol of life eternal. It was this mark, the Tau Cross, that was placed upon the foreheads of those exempted from Divine wrath in Jerusalem.
Your Animal Spirit for Today
August 31, 2013
If you can imagine Bambi, you can imagine the message Deer brings to you today—a message of sweetness, innocence, and gentle spirit. Be delicate today in your communication with other and with yourself. This is definitely not a time for being critical, mean-spirited, or sarcastic. Just as Deer’s heart can be easily wounded, so can the heart of your friends, co-workers, or family members.
The High Priestess
Saturday, Aug 31st, 2013
Traditionally called the High Priestess, this major arcana, or trump, card represents human wisdom. She can be viewed as a kind of female Pope, the ancient Egyptian Priestess of Isis, the even older snake and bird Goddesses, the Greek Goddess Persephone, or the Eve of Genesis before the Fall.
For the accused heretics who were burnt at the stake for revering her in the 14th and 15th century, she symbolized the prophecy of the return of the Holy Spirit, which was perceived as the female aspect of the Holy Trinity.
In the sequence of cards in the major arcana, the High Priestess appears as soon as the Fool decides he wants to develop his innate powers, making a move toward becoming a Magus. The High Priestess is his first teacher, representing the Inner Life and the method for contacting it, as well as the contemplative study of Nature and the Holy Mysteries.
We long for the security of emotional support from those we trust, but the watery Cancer Moon doesn’t give us much relief today. Rather than feeling safe, we may worry about the uncertainty we face in relationships. However, protecting our hearts only brings alienation now. Mental Mercury’s alignment with cautious Saturn impedes the flow of communication. Fortunately, the words we do say can facilitate a deep connection with someone special.
(Mar 21 – Apr 19)
Thoughts may weigh heavily on your mind now. You have an intuitive sense about what is real and you’re motivated to talk your walk, even if you’re traveling on a rocky path. You might not know how to proceed, but your uncertainty isn’t a valid justification for inaction. Speak the truth that previously existed only within your imagination. Others are more likely to connect with you honestly and lovingly if you can push through your fears and express what’s in your heart.
(Apr 20 – May 20)
You are tempted to do too much today, but finishing everything you start is nearly impossible. You’re familiar with the rules of the road and you’re prepared to follow them, even if you want to step out of line and say what’s on your mind anyway. Ultimately, you might as well share what you’re thinking since others probably already know — and it’s better if they hear it directly from you. Nevertheless, don’t transfer blame to anyone else; deliver your messages with compassn and brevity so you can do whatever is next on your list.
(May 21 – Jun 20)
You are very contemplative today, but it may be challenging to keep your thoughts on the positive side of the spectrum. Your key planet Mercury aspects karmic Saturn, making you a force with which to be reckoned. Use your formidable communication skills to your advantage, but don’t try to be too clever. Keep your message sincere and be your authentic self.
(Jun 21 – Jul 22)
Perhaps you have slipped into a bit of an emotional funk recently and see no quick and easy way out of your dilemma. Thankfully, you don’t have to pretend that everything is peachy keen if it’s not. Rather than hiding what’s important from those who want to love you, take a risk and share what’s on your mind. The simple act of confiding in a friend could be enough to shift the energy and lighten your heart.
(Jul 23 – Aug 22)
A firestorm of self-awareness is burning through your gray matter, but the results may be uncharacteristically serious. It’s not that you have lost confidence; it’s just that your optimism comes and goes now. Your tendency is to suppress any negativity, but avoiding the truth just makes things worse. A more radical solution might be in order today. Sharing your feelings without censoring them allows others to get to know the real you.
(Aug 23 – Sep 22)
Your friends come through for you in unexpected ways today. However, making a big deal of their actions might be the wrong strategy because it draws unnecessary attention to issues best left out of the spotlight. Avoiding emotional extremes improves nearly any interaction now. Express your appreciation without going over the top. A simple gesture can be more heart touching than a parade down Main Street.
(Sep 23 – Oct 22)
Make a decision and stick with it today, even if you doubt yourself later on. After all, you know what the truth is and you know what should be done about it. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind, for you have the authority now to tell it exactly like it is. Granted, you may upset someone with your uncharacteristic obstinacy, but don’t let this be your primary concern. You need to voice your opinion and then deal with the consequences as they play out.
(Oct 23 – Nov 21)
You know that you have the power to manifest the changes that are currently needed. Although somber Saturn is leaning on you, your self-criticism and self-judgment is not productive or necessary. Remember that you are only restrained by the limitations of your own thought processes — and this comes from within, not from external circumstances or anyone else. Have the courage to envision your wishes coming true and then strive to make it happen.
(Nov 22 – Dec 21)
You may be struggling against the lessons that Saturn is attempting to teach you, but the hardest work is probably already completed. The time to put your strategy into action is near and whatever you do today sets the stage for what follows. You might think that you have to demonstrate your progress toward a specific goal, but this isn’t part of the current curriculum. Hold true to what’s most important to you, but don’t be overbearing. Practice compassion while accepting the current restrictions being placed on your plans.
(Dec 22 – Jan 19)
You’re ready to tear down any walls that may be in your way today. However, you are tired of being the one who bears the ultimate responsibility for everything that happens, and you might even consider walking away from your goals. Thankfully, you can rest assured that common sense will come to your rescue now. Move with determination instead of aggression for the best results.
(Jan 20 – Feb 18)
Try not to take others by surprise with your unusual behavior today, for acting rashly won’t bring you what you want. You might not get away with being too eccentric now, so you’re better off adapting to the current situation than attempting to change it. Nevertheless, don’t dim your light more than necessary or you will lose your edge of brilliance. Find that magical balance between being true to yourself and fulfilling other people’s expectations.
(Feb 19 – Mar 20)
Even if you feel like you’re carrying an emotional burden today, you have an opportunity to carefully process and release what’s been bothering you. There’s no reason to hold on to your fears. Doubting yourself is not productive and only prevents you from embracing the love that may be waiting on your doorstep. All you have to do is open the door and let it in.
Last Quarter Moon
The time of reaping is at hand. There is a feeling of completion infused into the atmosphere during the Last Quarter Moon. The opportunity opens to recognize how far you’ve come in various parts of your life. This is not a good time for new beginnings, but rather a reflective period suited to evaluating how you have been using your time and what has been accomplished. Issues of authority may arise. This Moon phase supports taking responsibility for actively tying up the loose ends of projects that are already underway.
BLESS YOUR CAR
Before embarking on a long journey, you may find it beneficial to bless your auto. Walk around your car clockwise and examine the body, the windows, the wheels, and so on. Imagine yourself storing up more and more energy within yourself with each breath that you take, then breathe out all of the energy, fixing it in each of the car’s part. Say out loud the following:“May the protection of the Lord & the Lady be in & about this vehicle, that it may deliver us safe to our destination.
So mote it be!”