A Little Humor for Your Day – ‘Maintain Insanity At the Workplace, lol

How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace

1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender.
3) Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Sparky.” “No, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha.”
4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”
5) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven’t lost them as much since you did this.
6) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.
7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.
8) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.
9) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.
10) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
11) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.
12) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it “IN.”
13) Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
14) Send e-mail messages saying there’s free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunch room. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, “Oh you’ve got to be faster than that.”
15) Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

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A Little Humor for Your Day – How To Maintain Insanity At Work, lol!

How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace

1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender.
3) Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Sparky.” “No, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha.”
4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”
5) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven’t lost them as much since you did this.
6) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.
7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.
8) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.
9) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.
10) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
11) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.
12) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it “IN.”
13) Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
14) Send e-mail messages saying there’s free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunch room. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, “Oh you’ve got to be faster than that.”
15) Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

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Smell Good Tea Hair Rinse

Smell Good Tea Hair Rinse

Boil two cups of water on the stove, in a small pot. Add two of your favorite tea bags and turn burner to low, the lowest setting you can put it on, allowing tea to steep for at least a half hour. Remove tea bags and make sure that the water is still warm…but not hot! You don’t want to get burned. In the shower or over your sink, slowly pour the water right from the pot over your hair, massaging scalp as you do so. Allow the tea bags to dry and then tear the packets open, using the tea in your potpourri or in your compost!

A Little Humor for Your Day – The Caffeinated Cross

The Caffeinated Cross

by Karl Lembke

The following ritual was found in a musty, dusty old fragment of parchment  lodged between the musty old pages of a musty, dusty old book in a musty, dusty  old library whose musty, dusty old dust hadn’t been disturbed by the presence of  man in many a musty, dusty old century. It took a great deal of effort to  translate the original writings. After months of effort and research in language  libraries, it was finally determined that the weird script was not some arcane,  forgotten language, but English, written by someone with a very bad case of  caffeine jitters.

Another fragment indicated that this was once part of a book, entitled “The Mystery of the StarBuck”.

 

THE CAFFEINATED CROSS

 

Stand, facing east, holding your coffee cup, filled with the mystical brew,  in your power hand, and assume a posture of wakeful alertness.

Bring your coffee cup to your forehead and intone:

“LATTE”

 

Lower your coffee cup to the vicinity of your navel:

“MOCHA”

 

Bring your coffee cup to your left shoulder:

“CAPPUCHINO”

 

Bring it across to your right shoulder:

“FRAPPUCHINO”

 

Clasp your coffee cup in both hands over your heart chakra:

“ARABICA, OH MAN!”

 

Extend your arms to the sides, and intone:

“BEFORE ME, MRS. OLSON”

“BEHIND ME, JUAN VALDEZ”

“AT MY RIGHT HAND, M J B”

“AT MY LEFT HAND, THE BROTHERS HILLS”

“FOR ABOUT ME SWIRLS THE COFFEE AROMA”

“WITHIN ME SINGS THE CAFFEINE HIGH”

Drink the coffee, in communion with the spirits of the Sacred Coffee Bean.  This last step may be usefully repeated as long as you like.

Perfect for Yule – Money Simmering Potpourri

Money Simmering Potpourri

-2 Cinnamon Sticks, broken up

-4 Tablespoons Whole cardamom Seeds

-2 Tablespoons Whole Cloves

-1 Teaspoon Ground Nutmeg

-1 Teaspoon Ground Ginger

With your fingers, mix these ingredients in a small bowl while visualizing increased prosperity. As you mix them, recite aloud or to yourself:

Money Simmer In The Air, Money Shimmer Everywhere.

When you feel you are done chanting, pour items into a pan that holds about 1 pint of water and simmer on stove. I have simmered mine on and off for several days, adding water as needed

The Money Bath

Put the 1 tablespoon of cinnamon and 4 tablespoons of parsley in the filter cup of the coffee maker. Add five cups of water and let brew. Draw a warm bath and add one cup of the tea. As you pour it into the bath, chant:

Money come from far and near.
Money come to me! Appear!

Completely immerse yourself in the water five times, then soak in the bath water for eight minutes. Concentrate on the improvement of your finances. Let your body dry naturally.

Take this bath on five consecutive days for best results. Use one cup of tea for each bath. Store the tea in a jar with a screw-on lid, and keep it in the refrigerator between baths.

The Automatic Drip Coffee Maker

The Automatic Drip Coffee Maker
 
The coffee maker is an essential part of my existence for most of the same reasons it is to other folks. I, like a good portion of the population, am not a morning person. The fact is, I don’t like anybody until I’ve had several cups of coffee. Having to wait for it makes me an unbearable grump. Fortunately, my coffee maker does the trick in three minutes flat. Its speed give me time to get my wits together before my loved ones–all morning folks, including the dogs–leap from their beds.
While the device always provided me with an indispensable service, using it for something other than brewing coffee never occurred to me until I had to consecrate my athame. My roommate at the time was having guests over for dinner and refused to let me use the stove. It didn’t matter that I needed an herbal infusion for a consecration. I begged. I pleaded. He didn’t care. He just went on cooking. Then he gave me one of those looks and muttered something about “…..on pain of death…..”
At the time, I thought he was a real jerk. But his obstinacy, as aggravating as it was, brought with it the richest of blessings. It jolted me into a creative mode. I grabbed a coffee filter, threw it in the filter cup and tossed in the herbs. I added the water and flipped the switch. Then I chanted the incantation loudly enough to rouse the neighbors. The results was a perfectly balanced brew that simply tingled with magickal essence.

 

The coffee maker not only saves time, but brews flawless infusions, decoctions, and washes. Here are a few tips for using it in magickal efforts:
 
*Do not use the same coffee maker to brew both ingestible teas and poisonous liquids. If you plan to use the device for brewing washes that list ingredients unsuitable for human consumption, obtain one solely for that purpose.
 
*Between magickal brewings, clean the pot and filter cup with hot soapy water and bleach.
 
*When brewing decoctions, place the root or bark material in a coffee filter, then close the filter securely by tying it with a string or a rubber band. After the brew cycle, place the pouch in the brew pot and leave it on the warming plate for approximately thirty minutes.
 
The incident with my roommater forever changed my magickal life. Yes, I discovered that using the coffee maker for magick saves times and aggravation. But more important, I realized the meaning of magick in its truest form and its relationship to technology. Magick equals creativity. Creativity equals life. This means that life–how we live it and what we do with it–is the rawest form of magick. The technological resources created by humankind have a magick all their own, and incorporating them into personal magick brings an increase of power to every spell performed. Denying that source of magick is tantamount to refusing magickal assistance and a hindrance to all efforts of enchantment. It all boils down to one thing. If it works, use it to your best advantage and be glad for the help.
 
“Everyday Magic”
Dorothy Morrison