Daily Feng Shui News for Oct. 31 – ‘Happy Halloween’

BOO! Happy Halloween! Today, make sure that your little trick or treaters eat something nutritious before heading out for the evening haunt. They’ll be exciting thinking about their bounty and who they will play tricks on, but they need something to offset the eventual sugar overload. Sugar on an empty stomach can cause bad headaches and moods, so a piece of chicken or even some celery and carrots will keep them happy on Halloween.

By Ellen Whitehurst for Astrology.com

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A Little Humor for Your Day – Trick Or Treat By Your Astrological Sign

Trick Or Treat By Your Astrological Sign

Aries Pushes the others aside to get to the door first.

Taurus Will only eat the finest of Swiss chocolates.

Gemini Goes around the neighborhood once, changes costumes and goes around again.

Cancer Stays at home and gives candy to the other trick-or-treaters.

Leo Plans their costume for months, then won’t go out because someone else had the same idea.

Virgo Wears a neatly-pressed suit and tells everyone they’re a bookkeeper.

Libra Is still standing in front of the closet trying to decide on a costume.

Scorpio Isn’t in it for the candy.

Sagittarius Will manage to wander to the next town.

Capricorn Makes a list of all the houses that give good candy and the optimal route to take.

Aquarius Builds their costume out of spare flashlights and spends all night tinkering when it shorts.

Pisces Skips the whole thing to compose poetry to the Moon.

Turok’s Cabana

A Little Humor for Your Day – Top Reason Trick-or-Treat is Better Than Sex

The Top 10 Reasons Why Trick-or-Treating Is Better Than Sex

10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9.  If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.

8.  The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7.  You don’t have to compliment the person who gives it to you.

6.  It’s OK if the person you’re with fantasizes that you are someone else because, well…, you are.

5.  Forty years from now, you’ll still enjoy candy.

4.  If you don’t like what you get, you can always go next door.

3.  It doesn’t matter if the kids hear ya moaning and groaning.

2.  Less guilt the morning after.

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON IS….

You can do the whole neighborhood!

 

Turok’s Cabana

A Little Humor To Lighten Your Day – Signs That You Are Too Old For Halloween

Signs That You Are Too Old For Halloween


  1. You get winded from knocking on the door
  2. You have to have someone chew the candy for you
  3. You ask for high fiber candy only.
  4. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
  5. People say, “Great Keith Richards mask!” and you’re not wearing a mask.
  6. When the door opens you yell, “Trick or…” and you can’t remember the rest.
  7. By the end of the night you have a bag full of restraining orders.
  8. You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your hair piece.
  9. You’re the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
  10. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

     

    Turok’s Cabana

A Little Humor (This Is A Joke) – Houses To Avoid While Trick-Or-Treating

Houses To Avoid While Trick-Or-Treating

  • Any house that seems to be imploding into a space-time wormhole.
  • Any house made of food.
  • Any house whose only entrance goes to the basement.
  • Any house where the high tension wires suddenly stop right above it.
  • Any house that has ornamental lawn hyenas.
  • Any house that growls “get out.”
  • Any house where the furniture seems to be walking across the living room floor.
  • Any house that looks like a giant pulsating orb floating 3 feet off the ground.
  • Any house with various and extremely realistic statues in the front yard of people in odd “running away” poses.
  • Any house that wasn’t there only a minute ago…

Haptic Sex Magick

Haptic is from the Greek world  haptesthai meaning “to touch.” If you are haptic, you are a person who is primarily kinesthetic or relies primarily on your sense of touch. The spell uses purely haptic clue to intensify your sexual and orgasmic energies for sex magick.

You will need a feather, a fresh thornless rose, two pieces of candy, satin or flannel sheets, a soft quilt, silky or velvety lingerie or pajamas, and two sleeping masks.

After dark, put the feather, rose, and candy in a small box or bag, and put the items next to your bed for easy access. Dress your bed in satin or soft flannel sheets, and dress yourself in silky or velvety lingerie or pajamas. Turn on romantic music in your bedroom. Take your lover into the room and ask him or her to lie on the bed. Go over to your mate, and give him or her a big French kiss upside down, so your bottom life meets your lover’s top lip and your top lip meets your lover’s bottom lip. (If you have never kissed your lover in this way, you are in for a most pleasant and sexy surprise.) After you kiss your lover, put the sleeping masks on, and turn out the lights. Begin by taking each other’s clothes off slowly and deliberately. Next, hold the feather in your hand and stroke your’s body with it. Tickle and tease with the feather. As you do, say:

Feel me, touch me, blessed be!

Now hold the rose in your hand, and put it up to your lover’s nose so he or she can smell it. Softly massage your lover’s back and chest with the rose petals. As you do, repeat:

Feel me, touch me, blessed be!

Then feed your love a piece of the candy and have your mate feed you the other piece of candy. As you feed your love the candy, say:

Kiss me sweetly, my love. Blessed be!

Now kiss your lover. Then, softly stroke your lover’s body in all the right places and have him on her return in kind. Keep the masks on while you make love. Direct your sexual energies towards a shared dream or magickal goal.